I faked an abortion last night.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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