im about as happy as oj after his trial
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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