I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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