If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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