I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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