so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
