You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
