best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I AM VODKA MAN
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
