He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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