that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize