my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
