Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
