Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
