you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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