i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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