why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
