She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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