I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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