walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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