New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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