Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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