Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
