Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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