you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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