dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
only you would photoshop your dick
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
