Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
