I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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