I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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