Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
