My room smells like vodka and shame
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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