All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i barfeds in our rink
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
