what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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