I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
