HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
