I checked into jail on foursquare
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
