YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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