we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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