btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
