i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
