why didn't you poke me back
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
