I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
