Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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