hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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