Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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