Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
