It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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