Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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