You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
