I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
