you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
