nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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