So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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