im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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